35 days… Thursday, Nov 29 2007 

Blogroll and candid-ness and emo-ness and life and philosophy and ranting and school crimsonkings 12:00 pm

I’ve kept silent for more or less, about 35 days…

I don’t know… A lot of things have happened since then… And now im just a bit confused… There are some things that I would like to express, but I know that keeping them to myself would be better for everyone else…

 Silence makes you reflect a lot… about yourself… about others… about truths that you realize that that’s just there… You start to question things that you’ve left unchecked for the longest time… you uncover regrets… ideas… concepts… that you’ve left behind…

I’m losing the very things I’ve come to love… and getting them back is either impossible or nearly takes all the effort and time…

I’m getting separated from my best friend; people are starting to create their walls… not to keep me out… but to keep themselves in…

Everyone’s too caught up with TRYING TO BE MATURE that they’re OVERLOOKING THEIR OWN IMMATURITIES.

A lot of people try to be someone not for who they are… but for how they want themselves to be…

>> I had a conversation with some friends yesterday… and things that I thought wer clearing up… just made me more dubious… I was made aware that people who are the most ambitious are:

1) HYPOCRITES.

2) CANNOT ACCEPT LOSSES.

3) SORE LOSERS.

4) HIGH PRIDE.

5)HIDE BEHIND FRIENDS.

6) REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR FLAWS.

7) FAIL TO RECOGNISE THEIR FLAWS.

8) ALWAYS SEEM NOTICE THE FLAWS OF OTHERS.

9) TOO OVERBEARING.

10) TOO OVER-REACTING

11) TOO POSSESSIVE

12) TOO DRAMATIC

13) DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT PROBLEMS

14) “NAGTATANIM NG GALIT.”

15) INCAPABLE of UPHOLDING THEIR WORD

The list goes on and on… but I’ll stop there. These are the TOP 15 most ANGERING characteristics of the ambitious. We’re all guilty of this… but what determines us is what we do to try and prevent ourselves from BEING THESE PEOPLE.

 >> IF I COULD KILL IN LAW… 5 people would’ve been dead by now

I’m just so stressed. I’d post again later.

FUCK it. DAMN this LIFE.

 

The Great Tragedies Tuesday, Oct 23 2007 

Blogroll and Literature and life and philosophy and random-ness and school crimsonkings 7:12 am

I was reading up on some Greek mythologoy today. Among all stories, I found this bittersweet one as the most satirical of them all.

Here’s the summary::

[FACTS to SET STRAIGHT :: 1) The promise of the gods always HAS to  be fulfilled no matter how much they want to let go of it even if it's for the better. 2) The true form is a light so immense that it can instantly kill a mortal with it's magnificent brilliance]

Zeus had this blossoming relationship with a mortal woman, who was the fairest in all the land. Hera, Zeus’s legitimate wife, became jealous because she sensed that Zeus always spent so much time with the mortal woman. Zeus always took on a form of a human in the presence of the mortal woman.

One day, Hera transformed herself into a woman seer. She came to the dwelling of the mortal woman and asked her about how she (being the fairest in the land) had still not a companion in life. The mortal woman explained that she had a relationship with the almighty Zeus.

Hera, then said, “what proof of this have you got?” The only thing the mortal woman could do was to shake her head, since she didn’t have any proof. “Why don’t you ask him to show you his true form? That way, you’ll know if he’s for real or not.” With this, Hera went away, a formidable smile was on her face.

Some time later, Zeus went to see his mortal sweetheart, only to find her down and low. He asked her what the matter was, and she said that she didn’t believe if he was really THE REAL Zeus. To console her, Zeus gave a god’s promise that whatever she pleases will be granted. She told Zeus exactly what Hera told her.

Zeus frowned. He knew that she would perish if he did that, but he had no choice. He transformed into the brilliant light he truly is; this, sadly immediately sent his sweetheart to her untimely demise.

I don’t know. It’s something I really admire about satires — they’re timeless and comparable to every generation of humankind. I get the message of this story — I hope you did to. 

Anyway… haha, my day today ::

at 12 a.m. I was still cramming over my chem. make-up work. I reviewed like for an hour. Slept at 3a.m.

Woke up by 6:40, left home at around 7:05… got to school by 7:30.

Chem. periodical was so-so.

CLE periodical was bittersweet.

I ate. Reviewed a LOT of geom. stayed in school with nina until… 12:30 or so.

Went to SM — ate again. Went home.

Wrote this entry.

The End.

 

I should be dead by now. Seriously. Friday, Oct 19 2007 

Literature and Poetry and life and philosophy and school crimsonkings 12:12 pm

It’s a long post. Bear with me. Please. It may be the last post im going to make.

Morning. Usual bullshit… worrying too much into getting to school early, not minding much anything about the world.

I smiled a bit. Got in the car, looked outside. It was one of the first days this entire month that we (mom, sister, me) had any morning arguments. It was a good start of the day.

I walked to the classroom in my usual “christmas tree” get-up (with a LOT of stuff, as usual.) Three people were in my way as i got into the classroom. I didn’t remember who they were… coz’ i was probably too busy thinking of the things that happened the previous day.

Ms. Reyes did a quick classroom clean-up. Sir Panis made us do some things in Visual B. and he asked some of us if we wanted to go to school on some saturday to make programs for the AcadWeek II exhibit. We said, sure. [haha, happiness is going to school on some saturday]

The day went by quickly. Deadly and killer Social SW. Chem make my BP go up – honestly… I got like 61.5/80 on that crappy LT. Hey, at least i didn’t fail. English — a boring review of on of grammar’s most fundamental subjects. Ms. Reyes asked for my Canterbury HW, which i gave up whole-heartedly. [That's something good, I guess.]

I crashed the SAC meeting during lunch. I want to join Mondialogo badly. [Think of -- "Parisian" or "British" friend-making.] Went ”spotting” and continued reading ”Diary.”

Math came, gave a seatwork and it conquered me. God!  [SW 5 = 17/22] [SW6 = 1/10]. My BP sky-rocketed again. Come HE, the usual headache, with as much love for my groupmates. IN the end, we got like… Php 3500 [like Php 500 more than our capital].

Announcements in the PA system…

Explosion in Glorietta… Effects:

>> That meant that we had to go home. So I had to trash “unwinding”

>> Panic. Sadness. Feeling of insecurity.

>> Norence’s dad went missing. [He'll be found, all safe and sound]

>> Worrying about a multitude of people.

I bonded with some 3C people after HE… it was fun. Got to spill out my deep-dark-secret [shit, by the way]… while my sister was flirting with Cholo Villanueva.

Went home with mom, passed by the area of the incident. [Too depressing to describe]

Called Norence, started praying.

Wrote this post.

I grew fatter today. I ate a lot. Shit.

I feel weird. No sleep for 3 nights in a row. My BP’s skyrocketing, my metabolism is slowing. I want to go to the gym tomorrow.

 Thinking ::

>> I should’ve been there. With gie and benj. If we had been dismissed any earlier, i don’t know what would’ve happened. I love GOD so much especially for the ways He’s always there for us. Thank you.

 Again, “life’s too damn short — start living each day as it is your last. You never know when you’ll be back with Him. Pray always that this day, you’re still here. Appreciate and CELEBRATE EVERYDAY.”

 Chuck Palahniuk kind of rocks, at this point at my reading his book.

Amici.

 

Living this day entirely on adrenaline Thursday, Oct 18 2007 

AIDS and Blogroll and life and school crimsonkings 2:00 pm

It’s nothing much of a diffeent day really. Haha… I’m officially writing on a blog, which is nice [I guess]. Anyway… Today was another day in the life of this pessimist.

I woke up, got dressed, nearly killed my sister for almost making me get late again… Went in the classroom… greeted Gie who let me borrow her book “Diary” by Chuck Palahniuk.

Chem was first period. A memory game… with my “Chem. Varsity” mates… Nothing went into my head. English… hahahaha, I got a sixteen out of fifteen in that quiz. I didn’t study. Discussed the usual stuff, and that obnoxious homework.

Come recess, I tried to read that book, only to be distracted by the smell of FOOD. Filipino time, tripping session, nothing also went into my head. Computer — PT… haha, I didn’t study and it landed me with a near-above-average-mediocre-work. Who cares, anyway?

 Lunch, APAC meeting — got an XL sized shirt… laughing at the thought that the Large my “SPBF” (Self-proclaimed Best Friend) would just barely fit him. Anyway, I stayed with “her” allthroughout lunch, trying to read the same book  — a funny thing about a boar and a hog.

 Come math time, I was completely delusional. I think that we were discussing the pythagorean theorem… SW tomorrow — better light up some candles in church tomorrow morning.

Research time — completely a BLUR. Gosh… I kept on answering her questions… I mean, It’s not my fault that I have answers to her questions… and then a bloody homework.

RHGP rocked out — 6 legged race rocked. We got 5th place… haha (out of 5, by the way).

Went to SM to buy HE stuff… and got my waiver FINALLY photocopied.

Went home.

I feel tired. I feel wasted. I haven’t slept more over 4 hours over the past 2 days. GOD

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Random-ness is much appreciated.

I’m angry at a certain someone today. That person’s a “he.” [hahaha]

I guess that’s it.

Amici