Its hard…. Friday, Nov 30 2007

I can’t believe that its really hard to try and understand how we all live…

Isn’t it too much to ask for when I ask for people around me not to be to prejudgmental, too self-conscious, too self-righteous, too self-possessive… and all that crappy “too + (insert @#$! adjective here)?

I’m so pissed today… CAN’T I LIVE MY LIFE in PEACE for the FIRST TIME IN 5 WEEKS? I mean… COME ON! What the hell? From one mess to another… and this time… it was my doing and I didn’t even know that everything’s my fault again… DO I HAVE THE INHERENT ABILITY of FUCKING EVERYTHING UP EVERYTIME AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT? COME ON. Fuck it out. Damn life. Damn this. Damn people. DAMN DAMN DAMN.

[Emotional overload]

IN OTHER NEWS:

1) Prima Donna clashes with Boy wonder. Mr. Incredible gets implicated. Prima Donna accuses Mr. Incredible of messing up with her date with Boy wonder. — Mr. Incredible is disallowed from contacting Boy wonder for any more missions. Prima Donna rallies support of public. Mr. Incredible didn’t know of his mistake until Boy Wonder managed to send a note to him. AS of NOW, Prima Donna is asking for a temporary restraining order for Boy Wonder to be not approached by Mr. Incredible for a redius of 10 meters. — Mr. Incredible is reportedly avoiding the public. Prima Donna and Boy Wonder are living their lives in separate ways… for now.

2) Athena finally allied herself with Mars after a grueling fight — the gods rejoiced as she announced this decision. Mars, reportedly, had been avoiding the limelight – we still don’t know how he’s reacting to this sudden change, but he’s been avoiding Athena more than before.

3) Moulin Rouge, Les Miserables and Grease are scheduled to play within the week. Cast members practice tirelessly. No one knows if the shows will be a success or not. These will be played in the New York Theater Festival. These plays beat out 7 other more  contenders for the said occasion. A contest will be held between New York and New Jersey, rivals in the said industry. The winning theatrical production will have the opportunity to go on a world tour.

———————————————————————————————————————————————–

“Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes…”

I hope you know that.

<3

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35 days… Thursday, Nov 29 2007

I’ve kept silent for more or less, about 35 days…

I don’t know… A lot of things have happened since then… And now im just a bit confused… There are some things that I would like to express, but I know that keeping them to myself would be better for everyone else…

 Silence makes you reflect a lot… about yourself… about others… about truths that you realize that that’s just there… You start to question things that you’ve left unchecked for the longest time… you uncover regrets… ideas… concepts… that you’ve left behind…

I’m losing the very things I’ve come to love… and getting them back is either impossible or nearly takes all the effort and time…

I’m getting separated from my best friend; people are starting to create their walls… not to keep me out… but to keep themselves in…

Everyone’s too caught up with TRYING TO BE MATURE that they’re OVERLOOKING THEIR OWN IMMATURITIES.

A lot of people try to be someone not for who they are… but for how they want themselves to be…

>> I had a conversation with some friends yesterday… and things that I thought wer clearing up… just made me more dubious… I was made aware that people who are the most ambitious are:

1) HYPOCRITES.

2) CANNOT ACCEPT LOSSES.

3) SORE LOSERS.

4) HIGH PRIDE.

5)HIDE BEHIND FRIENDS.

6) REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR FLAWS.

7) FAIL TO RECOGNISE THEIR FLAWS.

ALWAYS SEEM NOTICE THE FLAWS OF OTHERS.

9) TOO OVERBEARING.

10) TOO OVER-REACTING

11) TOO POSSESSIVE

12) TOO DRAMATIC

13) DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT PROBLEMS

14) “NAGTATANIM NG GALIT.”

15) INCAPABLE of UPHOLDING THEIR WORD

The list goes on and on… but I’ll stop there. These are the TOP 15 most ANGERING characteristics of the ambitious. We’re all guilty of this… but what determines us is what we do to try and prevent ourselves from BEING THESE PEOPLE.

 >> IF I COULD KILL IN LAW… 5 people would’ve been dead by now

I’m just so stressed. I’d post again later.

FUCK it. DAMN this LIFE.

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The Great Tragedies Tuesday, Oct 23 2007

I was reading up on some Greek mythologoy today. Among all stories, I found this bittersweet one as the most satirical of them all.

Here’s the summary::

[FACTS to SET STRAIGHT :: 1) The promise of the gods always HAS to  be fulfilled no matter how much they want to let go of it even if it's for the better. 2) The true form is a light so immense that it can instantly kill a mortal with it's magnificent brilliance]

Zeus had this blossoming relationship with a mortal woman, who was the fairest in all the land. Hera, Zeus’s legitimate wife, became jealous because she sensed that Zeus always spent so much time with the mortal woman. Zeus always took on a form of a human in the presence of the mortal woman.

One day, Hera transformed herself into a woman seer. She came to the dwelling of the mortal woman and asked her about how she (being the fairest in the land) had still not a companion in life. The mortal woman explained that she had a relationship with the almighty Zeus.

Hera, then said, “what proof of this have you got?” The only thing the mortal woman could do was to shake her head, since she didn’t have any proof. “Why don’t you ask him to show you his true form? That way, you’ll know if he’s for real or not.” With this, Hera went away, a formidable smile was on her face.

Some time later, Zeus went to see his mortal sweetheart, only to find her down and low. He asked her what the matter was, and she said that she didn’t believe if he was really THE REAL Zeus. To console her, Zeus gave a god’s promise that whatever she pleases will be granted. She told Zeus exactly what Hera told her.

Zeus frowned. He knew that she would perish if he did that, but he had no choice. He transformed into the brilliant light he truly is; this, sadly immediately sent his sweetheart to her untimely demise.

I don’t know. It’s something I really admire about satires — they’re timeless and comparable to every generation of humankind. I get the message of this story — I hope you did to. 

Anyway… haha, my day today ::

at 12 a.m. I was still cramming over my chem. make-up work. I reviewed like for an hour. Slept at 3a.m.

Woke up by 6:40, left home at around 7:05… got to school by 7:30.

Chem. periodical was so-so.

CLE periodical was bittersweet.

I ate. Reviewed a LOT of geom. stayed in school with nina until… 12:30 or so.

Went to SM — ate again. Went home.

Wrote this entry.

The End.

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I should be dead by now. Seriously. Friday, Oct 19 2007

It’s a long post. Bear with me. Please. It may be the last post im going to make.

Morning. Usual bullshit… worrying too much into getting to school early, not minding much anything about the world.

I smiled a bit. Got in the car, looked outside. It was one of the first days this entire month that we (mom, sister, me) had any morning arguments. It was a good start of the day.

I walked to the classroom in my usual “christmas tree” get-up (with a LOT of stuff, as usual.) Three people were in my way as i got into the classroom. I didn’t remember who they were… coz’ i was probably too busy thinking of the things that happened the previous day.

Ms. Reyes did a quick classroom clean-up. Sir Panis made us do some things in Visual B. and he asked some of us if we wanted to go to school on some saturday to make programs for the AcadWeek II exhibit. We said, sure. [haha, happiness is going to school on some saturday]

The day went by quickly. Deadly and killer Social SW. Chem make my BP go up – honestly… I got like 61.5/80 on that crappy LT. Hey, at least i didn’t fail. English — a boring review of on of grammar’s most fundamental subjects. Ms. Reyes asked for my Canterbury HW, which i gave up whole-heartedly. [That's something good, I guess.]

I crashed the SAC meeting during lunch. I want to join Mondialogo badly. [Think of -- "Parisian" or "British" friend-making.] Went ”spotting” and continued reading ”Diary.”

Math came, gave a seatwork and it conquered me. God!  [SW 5 = 17/22] [SW6 = 1/10]. My BP sky-rocketed again. Come HE, the usual headache, with as much love for my groupmates. IN the end, we got like… Php 3500 [like Php 500 more than our capital].

Announcements in the PA system…

Explosion in Glorietta… Effects:

>> That meant that we had to go home. So I had to trash “unwinding”

>> Panic. Sadness. Feeling of insecurity.

>> Norence’s dad went missing. [He'll be found, all safe and sound]

>> Worrying about a multitude of people.

I bonded with some 3C people after HE… it was fun. Got to spill out my deep-dark-secret [shit, by the way]… while my sister was flirting with Cholo Villanueva.

Went home with mom, passed by the area of the incident. [Too depressing to describe]

Called Norence, started praying.

Wrote this post.

I grew fatter today. I ate a lot. Shit.

I feel weird. No sleep for 3 nights in a row. My BP’s skyrocketing, my metabolism is slowing. I want to go to the gym tomorrow.

 Thinking ::

>> I should’ve been there. With gie and benj. If we had been dismissed any earlier, i don’t know what would’ve happened. I love GOD so much especially for the ways He’s always there for us. Thank you.

 Again, “life’s too damn short — start living each day as it is your last. You never know when you’ll be back with Him. Pray always that this day, you’re still here. Appreciate and CELEBRATE EVERYDAY.”

 Chuck Palahniuk kind of rocks, at this point at my reading his book.

Amici.

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QT # 1 Thursday, Oct 18 2007

“When you fall, stand up. Don’t be as stupid as to just stay there on the ground.”

Simply put, recognize our mistakes — and do something about it. Don’t just pretend that it didn’t happen.

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